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I have been reading a book written by a Brit who's been living in China the past 15 years or so. He founded That's Shanghai and That's Beijing magazines, was locked out of his business by the Chinese government, lost his fortune, was banned from publishing in the country, and today runs a restaurant in the remote mountain village of Moganshan.There is a passage near the end of his book that rings true for me:
"I am often asked what am I doing here, why did I come to China in the first place. It is a standard question from friends in the UK. Long-term China hands who know something of my story ask me the more awkward one: Why are you *still* here? Good questions. Why leave home, friends, family, the familiar environment and lifestyle that brought you up, that your education prepared you for, and take off to live in an alien country and culture? And China of all places, a particularly alien country and culture that outsiders have been struggling to understand and adapt to without success for centuries? In the UK, people say how brave I am. You are the brave ones, I should be saying. You had the guts to stay at home, to make a life there and make something out of it. It takes far more courage to compete for jobs, pay for a house and mortgage, save for your retirement, deal with awkward relatives, and participate in a democracy. You are far braver than I am. I'm escaping all that, dodging my responsibilities, fleeing a life that I thought I couldn't cope with. In fact, I am a coward. That's why I'm in China."Mark Kitto, from China Cuckoo (North American title is Chasing China)
That passage stirred some feelings. On the one hand, I examine my strong temptation to return to Vancouver now, and I don't see anything courageous about it. I think it would be a mistake, but it feels like the easy choice.
On the other hand, I can understand how "staying home" would have been courageous too. In some ways, landing in Singapore and finding a good career-type job was easy. Staying put in Vancouver, in a job I hated, one that would have made me a typist and file clerk until retirement, would have been more challenging than fleeing to another country.
I skipped university altogether and took the short-term gain of earning money for those four years instead of racking up student debt. It gave me a great jump-start at saving money and living independently through my twenties, but I paid the price in my thirties when my degree-holding peers bypassed me in the queue for promotions. To get that career-job at this stage of life would have entailed going back to school for four years for my bachelor's degree (but then, who would hire a 43-year-old grad) or starting my own business. Instead, I fled to Singapore. And if things didn't work out here, there's always China. As I learned in Shanghai two years ago, anybody who speaks English and has a bit of moxie can do anything in China.
So, lately I have been thinking about courage and wondering if I have enough of it to do what's right for me. At the moment, life is feeling incredibly difficult -- difficult to make friends, difficult to find satisfaction with my job, difficult to settle in one apartment for more than 6 months (I will be moving in June, the fifth time in 18 months due to finicky landlords), difficult to see what's in my future three months from now -- so staying in Singapore feels like the courageous choice. But something tells me that I'm luckier than I realise. So, here I will try to stay.
On the other hand, I can understand how "staying home" would have been courageous too. In some ways, landing in Singapore and finding a good career-type job was easy. Staying put in Vancouver, in a job I hated, one that would have made me a typist and file clerk until retirement, would have been more challenging than fleeing to another country.
I skipped university altogether and took the short-term gain of earning money for those four years instead of racking up student debt. It gave me a great jump-start at saving money and living independently through my twenties, but I paid the price in my thirties when my degree-holding peers bypassed me in the queue for promotions. To get that career-job at this stage of life would have entailed going back to school for four years for my bachelor's degree (but then, who would hire a 43-year-old grad) or starting my own business. Instead, I fled to Singapore. And if things didn't work out here, there's always China. As I learned in Shanghai two years ago, anybody who speaks English and has a bit of moxie can do anything in China.
So, lately I have been thinking about courage and wondering if I have enough of it to do what's right for me. At the moment, life is feeling incredibly difficult -- difficult to make friends, difficult to find satisfaction with my job, difficult to settle in one apartment for more than 6 months (I will be moving in June, the fifth time in 18 months due to finicky landlords), difficult to see what's in my future three months from now -- so staying in Singapore feels like the courageous choice. But something tells me that I'm luckier than I realise. So, here I will try to stay.
